[Harumasa really thought he wouldn't be needed in this conversation. He can just sit back and relax while Jun does most of the talking here.
But... he sees that guilty look on Jun's face. His heart sinks as he realizes that he's going to hear something he shouldn't, and that opening statement has him looking away.
Try as he might, though, Harumasa's having a really hard time hiding his guilt and pain as his little brother speaks. Logically, objectively, he knows he did the right thing. Getting even one of the kids out of that hellhole alive is a good thing. Even though Jun's story still cuts into his heart like a thousand blunted knives, he... he would do it again. Again and again and again.
Harumasa isn't sure if he has the strength to make a sacrifice like that at his age, but... he's also not sure he doesn't still have that strength. Not anymore. Not after rebuilding his relationships with his siblings and seeing how fulfilling their lives have become.
But... but but but. It still hurt his little brother. Jun still mourned them. In some ways, he continues to mourn them.
And that will always hurt him for as long as Harumasa lives.
However, the young archer quickly rallies himself and regains the calm, relaxed expression he had. He remembers that Maxima has been afraid to ask these questions because he didn't want to come off as offensive. So, Harumasa decides to try to head that off at the pass.]
You didn't say anything wrong, for the record, Chief. It's all a matter of perspective, right? It'd be weird not to show gratitude to whoever is granting you power. Or at least pretty telling of the kinda relationship they have if the person given the power is really ungrateful about it.
[He pauses for a moment.]
... For the average person, religion is like fostering a relationship with yourself. Sure, some people use religion as an excuse to throw their weight around and start some horrific causes, but most people just want to believe that there's something or someone out there that... sees them. Their struggles, their achievements, their journey. Some people view it as a calling or a cause to devote their entire lives to. Others view it as a guide to how they want to live and treat others. But it's always by sharing their beliefs and talking about them that they find out who they really are.
As for me and what I get out of practicing my faith... well. It's... not exactly a lighthearted or cheerful thing, but it gives me a way to remember all the siblings I lost. It... helped me through my mourning. And I just kept at it because if I didn't believe that they went to something better, a kinder life or a beautiful afterlife, then... I dunno. I think that would fill me with more emptiness.
[Haru....]
Man, this got really heavy suddenly, sorry! Not everyone has reasons like ours for turning to faith, but I also can't deny that it's not an uncommon one.
[Maxima listens quietly as each of them say their piece in turn, looking from one to the other with mild concern. He does look like he wants to apologize for the misunderstanding after Jun's explanation, but Haru's reassurance settles that expression a bit.
These brothers have both been through so much. He's never felt it his place to press either of them for too much detail about their pasts, but...in some ways, hearing all of this makes them both all the more relatable. And it says something about the life Maxima has lived too, that facing people who have lived through losing everything and found ways to cope with it is something like familiar ground.]
That...makes more sense than you might know. ...When things were growing dire in my homeland, my people, who had no gods to hang that faith upon, began telling themselves that the Emperor would return to save them, despite the reports of his death. ...Because of the way faith and power functions in my world, this allowed for a sort of facsimile of the Emperor to be conjured into being, by the same methods that other peoples in other places would summon their gods.
[He scowls, gaze turned down toward his desk as he remembers.] It's the greatest proof of the hypocrisy of our culture: despite claiming to have abandoned worship, even the citizens of the Garlean Empire turned to faith and prayer in their most desperate need. But...perhaps, too, it is a proof of human nature. When we feel helpless and abandoned, we turn outward for comfort. ...That, at least, is something that I can understand.
[Jun knows what he said hurt Harumasa, and he feels deeply guilty about it. It's not really a part of his life he was all that keen to share with his brother- especially because he knows Haru did what he had to do. It's been years since those lonely days, so it's easier for Jun to understand Haru's perspective on it.
But at the same time... he couldn't leave it unspoken in this conversation. Not if he wanted Maxima to fully understand where he's coming from. He needs to be genuine, to share words he normally wouldn't utter.
.... He'll have to apologize to his brother later. But that's a conversation better left to do not in front of Maxima. If anything, he's grateful what Harumasa says to expand upon what Jun said. As for why Haru turned to having faith.... it made sense. Even when they were kids, Haru was always one who tried to believe in something better. It's what kept them going on some days... that steadfast belief that if they kept pushing on, one day they'd actually get to see the sky. ]
Mm, Haru's right. It's an understandable perspective. I just... wanted to make it clear that the power isn't why I began worshiping my Lord. I doubt He would've ever granted me power if it was. While some gods don't mind having such an upfront and transactional relationship with their chosen... it's really not the Lord's style.
[As for Maxima's story... he could see that happening, so very easily. After all, it's why his Lord was so powerful. When people are in dire straits, they turn to the divine. And what God is better to turn to than the God of Salvation Himself? But in the absence of the Lord, or any other established god...]
... Mm, it's human nature to want to believe in something beyond ourselves. Whether it be in a cause, an ideology, scientific facts, a god, or just in other people. This impulse becomes even stronger during times of strife.
I don't think the impulse is either good or bad, it's just part of humanity. And there's been more than a few civilizations on Earth that turned that feeling towards their leaders. The Pharohs, the Emperors of Japan... even the Pope within the Catholic Church has similar shades of the practice.
In other words, I wouldn't call them hypocrites. Just... humans.
[Harumasa won't be expecting an apology. He knows it's necessary to give Maxima context. It just... catches him off-guard when he's already feeling a bit vulnerable.
But he'll be fine.]
I can see how you'd think it's hypocritical, though. Sounds like the Empire built up a lot of scorn around religion and what people do with it. Seeing those same people immediately turn to their Emperor like a god reborn when things get desperate? Yeah, it'd be hard not to be bitter about it.
[Like, damn, Harumasa can admit that even he'd have a hard time keeping the cynicism at bay. However, that wouldn't stop him from lending a helping hand. He thinks the same might be said for Maxima, too.]
But Jun's right. Granted, we've got the benefit of being kinda removed from the situation. So your feelings about it are fair even as we acknowledge the humanity in your people.
I do apologize for the misunderstanding; my interpretation was something more along the lines of what Harumasa said, that your faith was out of gratitude for what you'd been granted. If in part because I assume if it were possible to simply offer up worship in exchange for powers like you have, those abilities would not be so uncommon.
[Even having only been here a year and a half, he knows that Christianity is plenty popular; if "being really Catholic" was all it took to give you superpowers, the world would be a very different place.]
But that's just it. What people do or believe on their own time is none of my business; if it keeps them going another day, if it allows them to endure despair, then I've no right to say anything against it. ...And yet, when it comes from those who have spent all their lives scorning believers, and who would still continue to insist that their blind faith in a leader who can no longer save them is not the same thing as the worship of foreign barbarians...
[He shakes his head.]
...In any case, the fallacies of the Empire's citizenry aren't something you need to confront. I'm grateful to both of you for taking the time to open up about what your faiths mean to you. I don't know how long it would have taken me to consider it in the light of emotional support, but...the more I think about it that way, the more sense it seems to make.
[He's had to learn how to do community support, but even so he tends to approach things from a physical logistics side first and foremost - making sure everyone is comfortable, well-fed, and able to rest. His people are notoriously bad with emotions.]
It's alright, no need to apologize. I'm sure it's a common assumption people make. [As for the idea of gratitude with his powers] Though I am grateful for the opportunities and experiences my powers have given me, certainly.
[....There's an unspoken "but" there, one that Jun momentarily considers saying- but he decides against it. His own complicated feelings of being a Seal Knight wasn't relevant to this conversation, not really
Instead, he'll focus on what Maxima is saying, listening carefully to the words. How Maxima starts to open up about his feelings over what happened in his homeland, before backing away and sinking back into niceties.
...
He'll lean forward in his chair]
... Mm, no, I think we should confront them.
You're pissed at them, aren't you? At the Garleans who failed to see their own hypocrisy.
[Harumasa stays quiet as well, listening to what Maxima has to say. While Jun leans forward in his chair to say that, the young archer leans back in his own with his arms lightly crossed over his chest. He looks more genuinely relaxed at this point. Yet his gold eyes are sharp, most likely seeing things that Maxima would prefer that he didn't.]
I get that it's hard to talk about. With how you give so much for the Aides, I can only imagine you gave double or triple to helping your home country. Hell, I would even bet that you bled for them.
But... you can trust us with your real feelings about it. We're not gonna be offended or go around telling people. We just wanna know the real Maxima with all his flaws and feelings, not just the polite and dependable leader we know and love.
[He shrugs lazily.]
Besides, maybe it'll be nice to get it off your chest to people who can really understand what it feels like to bleed for people you still feel complicated about saving or sacrificing so much for.
[He looks a little surprised, then narrows his eyes thoughtfully at the pair of them. Considers pointing out that this is rather off the subject that they were originally here to discuss.
But Jun and Harumasa have both opened up here far more than he had anticipated, more than he would have asked of either of them. They've spoken of pains that, watching their responses, he's not sure they had even shared with one another. It would be ungracious to push them away after that. And...maybe they would understand.
He sighs deeply, and sits back in his chair. The polite restraint dropping away from his expression leaves him looking tired and sad.]
The thing you have to understand is that when I speak of the citizens, I mean the majority. From the moment Garlemald turned from a republic to an empire, there were dissenters. They were always harassed, suppressed, termed disloyal, but no amount of patriotic fervor can bring an entire nation of people into perfect agreement with their government.
Nonetheless...for the duration of the Imperial era, the majority of our citizens were in fervent support of the Emperor and anything he chose to do. Solus Galvus [and even now there's the faintest of stutters when he says it; even if Jun and Harumasa have no reason to know the choice he's making here, it is deeply disrespectful to omit the 'zos' from the name of the first Emperor] couldn't have risen to become Emperor if not by the will of the people. And why should they not? He was making concrete material improvements in everyone's lives.
[He shakes his head, and...takes off his glasses, studying the frames thoughtfully.] My parents were young during his rise to power. They watched as the nation industrialized and as the Emperor seized more and more direct control over the bureaucracy, away from the Senate. As traditions that grounded and connected us became seen as trite, and were substituted out for an efficiency that stripped away individuality. In our haste to become stronger and more vital, we were losing sight of anything other than that pursuit, now that we had the means to achieve it.
But that was only the beginning. Once we had power to hold and work our own lands, we began claiming others as well. Legends of the places we had been driven from, once told with wistful melancholy, were now spoken in bitterness and vengeful rage. They told us we were stronger and more rational than those who had driven us out, that the 'foul magics' of foreigners were the only advantage they had over us. That our generations of hardship had made us more suited to rule over all the lands of the world than those who currently held them, and if they and their barbarian gods would not see reason, then we at last had the power to force them.
[A tight, bitter smile.] ...Of course, in the end, it was only vengeance, retaliation, a desire to turn the tables. Anyone who visited the conquered provinces for a moment and saw how the occupying army treated the civilians there could tell you that at a glance.
My parents had dissented against the public opinion since before I was born, joining the ranks of the Populares faction which sought a gentler hand upon the provinces. They believed, and taught me, that a truly strong Empire would uplift all those within its borders, would share its bounties with all of its people. That if we could offer such benefits to our citizens, others would seek to join us of their own accord rather than needing to be forced. ...Those were the beliefs I was raised with.
[He'll make a sound of agreement at Harumasa's final words, but not elaborate further. Yeah, he knows damn well what it feels like to saving and sacrificing towards people he has complicated feelings for. He wasn't stupid after all, he knew damn well the problems of the church.... even if he often didn't voice them.
But it seems Maxima has chosen to open up to them. Jun feels honored that Maxima is willing to trust them rather than shutting down further.
So, he'll make himself comfortable and listen to the context that's given. It's a story that echos across human history: the rise of a tyrant. ]
... No group of people is a monolith, so I'm not surprised there were dissenters. Or that your parents were among them, considering how their son is like.
That's a compliment, by the way. I've always like your rational and thoughtful approach to situations.
[It's why Jun recommended him to become the Aides leader, all that time ago. But he'll fall back into silence, listening]
[Harumasa immediately picks up on that stutter. He remembers how Maxima used to introduce himself, and how he's since changed that nowadays. The archer has inferred that it's most likely a modifier indicating rank or maybe status. So, hearing Maxima refer to the Emperor without that modifier while still stuttering tells him all he needs to know. The man has said the Emperor's name in a way that'd clearly get him put in the slammer and tried for treason.]
I agree with Jun. There's a reason I always call you 'Chief,' you know. Far as I'm concerned, from the start you've been as worthy of the same title as the Chief I had in my past life when I worked in special operations.
[Is Maxima as strong as Miyabi? No, but strength is not why he calls Miyabi "Chief," either. Harumasa respects them deeply, even as he continues to be very mischievous towards both of them. While it does put something of a professional wall between himself and the Chief, that... doesn't really stop him from caring about them so much.]
But I appreciate the context you've given us. Keeps us all on the same page. Please, continue. We'll listen.
[With his defenses deliberately lowered, they can both see how the compliments they're offering cause his eyes to widen and his brow to furrow.]
...That's very kind of both of you. I try my best to live up to my ideals.
[His expression tightens again.] ...Which is much more than I can say for the Empire as a whole. They claimed to value rule by the most capable, that competition for every post and every resource was to ensure that the best rose to the top, and everyone would have the opportunity to earn the position they most deserved. In practice, this was almost never adhered to. "Most capable" was determined by higher-ups based on their own personal agendas, and opportunity was never evenly distributed. At best, they would pat themselves on the back for taking a few outstanding individuals from outlying areas into the capital and call it a job well-done.
And of course this corruption grew worse over time and led to the provinces being ruled by unaccountable tyrants. My parents tried to advocate for the rule of law and bring evidence of these things to the attention of the public. [His grip on the arm of his glasses, still in his hand, tightens as he scowls.] No proof was ever found that the accident they perished in was caused deliberately. If not for the Library of Alexandria here, I would never have known it for certain myself.
After their deaths, I had the opportunity to withdraw from their fight and live quietly; but I chose to stand by the beliefs they'd instilled in me and carry on their legacy. I believed that if we could bring forward the right evidence, we could sway public opinion. We even had the support of a few branch members of the Imperial family, for a time.
[He closes his eyes, and breathes deeply.]
...But when an opportunity arose to make peace with a province that had recently freed itself in rebellion, we were betrayed and undermined. And on our return from the failed attempt, my ship was shot down in the middle of the desert. If not for a timely rescue from the Empire's enemies and traitors, my cohort and I would have perished then and there.
[Now, at last, his tone turns darker and more bitter, long-repressed anger beginning to show through.]
Facing down those ships, that fatal rejection...was the first time I think I truly doubted whether it was all worthwhile. We were forced to run and take shelter with those who had been freed from the Empire's grip, from our own people. And it may have been by the Emperor's command, but the people chose that rule, and continued to choose it. We were the only ones fighting the tide, choosing to foolishly believe that we could improve everyone's lives by making the Empire more egalitarian.
I was still living in exile with our former enemies when the government collapsed in civil war. The second Emperor, Solus' grandson, had been murdered by his own son in the palace. With no clear heir, chaos reigned, and soon the reports of worse things happening, spreading outward from inside Imperial borders, led to the surrounding nations putting together an investigative force.
And still, I advocated for it to be a relief contingent more than an invasion, a proposition I'm grateful they agreed to. We worked with everything we had to convince the survivors to accept our help, to swallow their unbending pride and admit that there was no other rescue coming, that they could no longer support themselves without help. Every step of the way we were resisted, kindness treated with suspicion, healing magics regarded as if they might be enchantments to control the mind. Because we were foreigners and traitors, and Garlemald has her pride.
[He leans forward onto his elbows against his desk, visibly exhausted by the outburst.]
...And a part of me still believes I should go back and continue fighting for people who would never fight for me, who will never accept me as I am. Because if I don't, then all those of my faction who didn't survive this long died for nothing. Because if I don't, then those fools might rebuild the Empire again instead of whatever should come after it.
[Jun is quiet as Maxima speaks, listening to every word. The story is a sorrowful one, a frustrating one. He can't help but think of Sisyphus and his boulder, that must be how Maxima felt working against his people's pride fighting them at every turn. It also makes him think of the struggles of the prophets... and why he's eternally grateful that his lot was one that would forever remain in shadow. He doubts he'd be able to last long against all that Maxima has faced. ]
... I'm sorry. That all sounds so... [He sighs] frustrating, though that word hardly cover it.
[They need a much stronger word, honestly. But Jun knows he's not really the best to sound off on the political nuances of the entire situation. Seal Knights didn't involve themselves in such matters in general. He'll leave that to his brother. But... he does know something to say about the feeling of duty - especially when he can pick up that Maxima? Isn't really in love with the idea of returning home. Not when only part of him believes he should go back.]
... I understand that feeling of duty. That unshakable feeling that you should do more, give more. I've certainly contended with that feeling many times before.
But there's... an expression that I've seen around: "don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm". Perhaps if you went back, you could change things for the better. Or perhaps they'll just use you as a scapegoat for the next problem that arise. It's impossible to say what it'll be.
[he shakes his head] I'm not saying that to convince you not to go back. But... I think if you do go back, it should be because you truly want to, not just because you feel you should. If you truly, don't want to go... there's nothing wrong with that. You've fought for so long, and you've done so much.... it's okay to rest.
And... whether you go back or not, whether they try to rebuild the empire or not? Your comrades did not die for nothing. I'm certain of that much.
[Harumasa sees how Maxima fiddles with his glasses during the more emotional parts of his story. He wonders if they're perhaps one of the only remaining mementos of his parents. He won't ask, of course. That wouldn't be appropriate.
He also notices Jun tackling the sense of duty, which leaves the archer with the political aspect. Not that Harumasa can blame him. Between the two, Harumasa's always been the one who dealt with that more. Hell, he understood the politics behind certain scientists in Krusnik and used that to his advantage many times in the past.
So... Harumasa considers this angle instead.]
Sisyphean, more like.
[The archer sighs softly.]
They're proud, foolish, and dangerously naive about their neighboring countries. They've spent a long time teaching their children to hate and fear people they don't know. Some from the provinces probably taught their kids to hate their own countrymen. Those are wounds that the Empire intentionally caused its own people to make them wholly reliant on the status quo. You probably won't see those wounds heal in your lifetime.
But... there has to come a point, no matter when it is, that you have to trust enough of those foolish people to fall and get back up again a changed person. Some will change for the worse, some will stay the same, but... maybe enough of them will change for the better that they'll bleed like you did to make sure the foundation is strong and more like the vision you have.
Going back to them might mean that you become a leader they look towards. Or it might mean that you're forced to watch. After all, everyone has a slightly different vision in mind when they think of a new Garlemald, right?
[Harumasa pauses.]
Ultimately, I think you have to look at yourself and ask where you'd be happier. You've done and sacrificed more than anyone could ask in the name of seeing your country through its darkest days. I think it's okay if you decide that you've done enough and want to stay here to figure out the rest of your life. Not for the sake of other people, but for yourself.
You're not the first ones to say so, in recent months. That I've done enough, that I shouldn't need to give more than I have.
[Maxima smiles at them ruefully, the bitterness easing away.]
The truth is, I do want to see my home get better. Even though it will take the rest of my life, even though I'll spend my life holding people's hands as they learn to walk while I've been running for years... I want to be able to look back and say that everything we did was worth it. That it meant something. That the brighter future we always dreamed of was possible, and have the pride of proving it.
[He looks around the office again, at the slow accumulation of files and books and knickknacks on the shelves. His gaze lingers just a little too long on the set of plushies Harumasa gave him for Christmas, and he refocuses before that can distract him too much.]
...But...this world is so much kinder. I can be at home here, I can lead a comfortable life, surrounded by good people who care for me and for one another. ...I think anyone would be tempted to stay.
It's because it's true. Committing oneself to a cause is noble, but it's extremely difficult too. I think anyone should have the chance to step away, should they find something else precious in their lives. Even someone like me is always trying to have a balance between being Shroud the knight, and Jun the human with a life far away from all that.
[It's not always an easy thing to balance out, but... Jun cherishes getting the chance to be a person rather than only a knight]
Ultimately, the choice is up to yours. I'll respect whatever you chose... so long as it's the choice you truly want.
[He shrugs]
Though, it's not like it's a choice that needs to be made today. It's not like we have a reliable way to travel to other worlds.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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But... he sees that guilty look on Jun's face. His heart sinks as he realizes that he's going to hear something he shouldn't, and that opening statement has him looking away.
Try as he might, though, Harumasa's having a really hard time hiding his guilt and pain as his little brother speaks. Logically, objectively, he knows he did the right thing. Getting even one of the kids out of that hellhole alive is a good thing. Even though Jun's story still cuts into his heart like a thousand blunted knives, he... he would do it again. Again and again and again.
Harumasa isn't sure if he has the strength to make a sacrifice like that at his age, but... he's also not sure he doesn't still have that strength. Not anymore. Not after rebuilding his relationships with his siblings and seeing how fulfilling their lives have become.
But... but but but. It still hurt his little brother. Jun still mourned them. In some ways, he continues to mourn them.
And that will always hurt him for as long as Harumasa lives.
However, the young archer quickly rallies himself and regains the calm, relaxed expression he had. He remembers that Maxima has been afraid to ask these questions because he didn't want to come off as offensive. So, Harumasa decides to try to head that off at the pass.]
You didn't say anything wrong, for the record, Chief. It's all a matter of perspective, right? It'd be weird not to show gratitude to whoever is granting you power. Or at least pretty telling of the kinda relationship they have if the person given the power is really ungrateful about it.
[He pauses for a moment.]
... For the average person, religion is like fostering a relationship with yourself. Sure, some people use religion as an excuse to throw their weight around and start some horrific causes, but most people just want to believe that there's something or someone out there that... sees them. Their struggles, their achievements, their journey. Some people view it as a calling or a cause to devote their entire lives to. Others view it as a guide to how they want to live and treat others. But it's always by sharing their beliefs and talking about them that they find out who they really are.
As for me and what I get out of practicing my faith... well. It's... not exactly a lighthearted or cheerful thing, but it gives me a way to remember all the siblings I lost. It... helped me through my mourning. And I just kept at it because if I didn't believe that they went to something better, a kinder life or a beautiful afterlife, then... I dunno. I think that would fill me with more emptiness.
[Haru....]
Man, this got really heavy suddenly, sorry! Not everyone has reasons like ours for turning to faith, but I also can't deny that it's not an uncommon one.
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These brothers have both been through so much. He's never felt it his place to press either of them for too much detail about their pasts, but...in some ways, hearing all of this makes them both all the more relatable. And it says something about the life Maxima has lived too, that facing people who have lived through losing everything and found ways to cope with it is something like familiar ground.]
That...makes more sense than you might know. ...When things were growing dire in my homeland, my people, who had no gods to hang that faith upon, began telling themselves that the Emperor would return to save them, despite the reports of his death. ...Because of the way faith and power functions in my world, this allowed for a sort of facsimile of the Emperor to be conjured into being, by the same methods that other peoples in other places would summon their gods.
[He scowls, gaze turned down toward his desk as he remembers.] It's the greatest proof of the hypocrisy of our culture: despite claiming to have abandoned worship, even the citizens of the Garlean Empire turned to faith and prayer in their most desperate need. But...perhaps, too, it is a proof of human nature. When we feel helpless and abandoned, we turn outward for comfort. ...That, at least, is something that I can understand.
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But at the same time... he couldn't leave it unspoken in this conversation. Not if he wanted Maxima to fully understand where he's coming from. He needs to be genuine, to share words he normally wouldn't utter.
.... He'll have to apologize to his brother later. But that's a conversation better left to do not in front of Maxima. If anything, he's grateful what Harumasa says to expand upon what Jun said. As for why Haru turned to having faith.... it made sense. Even when they were kids, Haru was always one who tried to believe in something better. It's what kept them going on some days... that steadfast belief that if they kept pushing on, one day they'd actually get to see the sky. ]
Mm, Haru's right. It's an understandable perspective. I just... wanted to make it clear that the power isn't why I began worshiping my Lord. I doubt He would've ever granted me power if it was. While some gods don't mind having such an upfront and transactional relationship with their chosen... it's really not the Lord's style.
[As for Maxima's story... he could see that happening, so very easily. After all, it's why his Lord was so powerful. When people are in dire straits, they turn to the divine. And what God is better to turn to than the God of Salvation Himself? But in the absence of the Lord, or any other established god...]
... Mm, it's human nature to want to believe in something beyond ourselves. Whether it be in a cause, an ideology, scientific facts, a god, or just in other people. This impulse becomes even stronger during times of strife.
I don't think the impulse is either good or bad, it's just part of humanity. And there's been more than a few civilizations on Earth that turned that feeling towards their leaders. The Pharohs, the Emperors of Japan... even the Pope within the Catholic Church has similar shades of the practice.
In other words, I wouldn't call them hypocrites. Just... humans.
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But he'll be fine.]
I can see how you'd think it's hypocritical, though. Sounds like the Empire built up a lot of scorn around religion and what people do with it. Seeing those same people immediately turn to their Emperor like a god reborn when things get desperate? Yeah, it'd be hard not to be bitter about it.
[Like, damn, Harumasa can admit that even he'd have a hard time keeping the cynicism at bay. However, that wouldn't stop him from lending a helping hand. He thinks the same might be said for Maxima, too.]
But Jun's right. Granted, we've got the benefit of being kinda removed from the situation. So your feelings about it are fair even as we acknowledge the humanity in your people.
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I do apologize for the misunderstanding; my interpretation was something more along the lines of what Harumasa said, that your faith was out of gratitude for what you'd been granted. If in part because I assume if it were possible to simply offer up worship in exchange for powers like you have, those abilities would not be so uncommon.
[Even having only been here a year and a half, he knows that Christianity is plenty popular; if "being really Catholic" was all it took to give you superpowers, the world would be a very different place.]
But that's just it. What people do or believe on their own time is none of my business; if it keeps them going another day, if it allows them to endure despair, then I've no right to say anything against it. ...And yet, when it comes from those who have spent all their lives scorning believers, and who would still continue to insist that their blind faith in a leader who can no longer save them is not the same thing as the worship of foreign barbarians...
[He shakes his head.]
...In any case, the fallacies of the Empire's citizenry aren't something you need to confront. I'm grateful to both of you for taking the time to open up about what your faiths mean to you. I don't know how long it would have taken me to consider it in the light of emotional support, but...the more I think about it that way, the more sense it seems to make.
[He's had to learn how to do community support, but even so he tends to approach things from a physical logistics side first and foremost - making sure everyone is comfortable, well-fed, and able to rest. His people are notoriously bad with emotions.]
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It's alright, no need to apologize. I'm sure it's a common assumption people make. [As for the idea of gratitude with his powers] Though I am grateful for the opportunities and experiences my powers have given me, certainly.
[....There's an unspoken "but" there, one that Jun momentarily considers saying- but he decides against it. His own complicated feelings of being a Seal Knight wasn't relevant to this conversation, not really
Instead, he'll focus on what Maxima is saying, listening carefully to the words. How Maxima starts to open up about his feelings over what happened in his homeland, before backing away and sinking back into niceties.
...
He'll lean forward in his chair]
... Mm, no, I think we should confront them.
You're pissed at them, aren't you? At the Garleans who failed to see their own hypocrisy.
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I get that it's hard to talk about. With how you give so much for the Aides, I can only imagine you gave double or triple to helping your home country. Hell, I would even bet that you bled for them.
But... you can trust us with your real feelings about it. We're not gonna be offended or go around telling people. We just wanna know the real Maxima with all his flaws and feelings, not just the polite and dependable leader we know and love.
[He shrugs lazily.]
Besides, maybe it'll be nice to get it off your chest to people who can really understand what it feels like to bleed for people you still feel complicated about saving or sacrificing so much for.
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But Jun and Harumasa have both opened up here far more than he had anticipated, more than he would have asked of either of them. They've spoken of pains that, watching their responses, he's not sure they had even shared with one another. It would be ungracious to push them away after that. And...maybe they would understand.
He sighs deeply, and sits back in his chair. The polite restraint dropping away from his expression leaves him looking tired and sad.]
The thing you have to understand is that when I speak of the citizens, I mean the majority. From the moment Garlemald turned from a republic to an empire, there were dissenters. They were always harassed, suppressed, termed disloyal, but no amount of patriotic fervor can bring an entire nation of people into perfect agreement with their government.
Nonetheless...for the duration of the Imperial era, the majority of our citizens were in fervent support of the Emperor and anything he chose to do. Solus Galvus [and even now there's the faintest of stutters when he says it; even if Jun and Harumasa have no reason to know the choice he's making here, it is deeply disrespectful to omit the 'zos' from the name of the first Emperor] couldn't have risen to become Emperor if not by the will of the people. And why should they not? He was making concrete material improvements in everyone's lives.
[He shakes his head, and...takes off his glasses, studying the frames thoughtfully.] My parents were young during his rise to power. They watched as the nation industrialized and as the Emperor seized more and more direct control over the bureaucracy, away from the Senate. As traditions that grounded and connected us became seen as trite, and were substituted out for an efficiency that stripped away individuality. In our haste to become stronger and more vital, we were losing sight of anything other than that pursuit, now that we had the means to achieve it.
But that was only the beginning. Once we had power to hold and work our own lands, we began claiming others as well. Legends of the places we had been driven from, once told with wistful melancholy, were now spoken in bitterness and vengeful rage. They told us we were stronger and more rational than those who had driven us out, that the 'foul magics' of foreigners were the only advantage they had over us. That our generations of hardship had made us more suited to rule over all the lands of the world than those who currently held them, and if they and their barbarian gods would not see reason, then we at last had the power to force them.
[A tight, bitter smile.] ...Of course, in the end, it was only vengeance, retaliation, a desire to turn the tables. Anyone who visited the conquered provinces for a moment and saw how the occupying army treated the civilians there could tell you that at a glance.
My parents had dissented against the public opinion since before I was born, joining the ranks of the Populares faction which sought a gentler hand upon the provinces. They believed, and taught me, that a truly strong Empire would uplift all those within its borders, would share its bounties with all of its people. That if we could offer such benefits to our citizens, others would seek to join us of their own accord rather than needing to be forced. ...Those were the beliefs I was raised with.
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But it seems Maxima has chosen to open up to them. Jun feels honored that Maxima is willing to trust them rather than shutting down further.
So, he'll make himself comfortable and listen to the context that's given. It's a story that echos across human history: the rise of a tyrant. ]
... No group of people is a monolith, so I'm not surprised there were dissenters. Or that your parents were among them, considering how their son is like.
That's a compliment, by the way. I've always like your rational and thoughtful approach to situations.
[It's why Jun recommended him to become the Aides leader, all that time ago. But he'll fall back into silence, listening]
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I agree with Jun. There's a reason I always call you 'Chief,' you know. Far as I'm concerned, from the start you've been as worthy of the same title as the Chief I had in my past life when I worked in special operations.
[Is Maxima as strong as Miyabi? No, but strength is not why he calls Miyabi "Chief," either. Harumasa respects them deeply, even as he continues to be very mischievous towards both of them. While it does put something of a professional wall between himself and the Chief, that... doesn't really stop him from caring about them so much.]
But I appreciate the context you've given us. Keeps us all on the same page. Please, continue. We'll listen.
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...That's very kind of both of you. I try my best to live up to my ideals.
[His expression tightens again.] ...Which is much more than I can say for the Empire as a whole. They claimed to value rule by the most capable, that competition for every post and every resource was to ensure that the best rose to the top, and everyone would have the opportunity to earn the position they most deserved. In practice, this was almost never adhered to. "Most capable" was determined by higher-ups based on their own personal agendas, and opportunity was never evenly distributed. At best, they would pat themselves on the back for taking a few outstanding individuals from outlying areas into the capital and call it a job well-done.
And of course this corruption grew worse over time and led to the provinces being ruled by unaccountable tyrants. My parents tried to advocate for the rule of law and bring evidence of these things to the attention of the public. [His grip on the arm of his glasses, still in his hand, tightens as he scowls.] No proof was ever found that the accident they perished in was caused deliberately. If not for the Library of Alexandria here, I would never have known it for certain myself.
After their deaths, I had the opportunity to withdraw from their fight and live quietly; but I chose to stand by the beliefs they'd instilled in me and carry on their legacy. I believed that if we could bring forward the right evidence, we could sway public opinion. We even had the support of a few branch members of the Imperial family, for a time.
[He closes his eyes, and breathes deeply.]
...But when an opportunity arose to make peace with a province that had recently freed itself in rebellion, we were betrayed and undermined. And on our return from the failed attempt, my ship was shot down in the middle of the desert. If not for a timely rescue from the Empire's enemies and traitors, my cohort and I would have perished then and there.
[Now, at last, his tone turns darker and more bitter, long-repressed anger beginning to show through.]
Facing down those ships, that fatal rejection...was the first time I think I truly doubted whether it was all worthwhile. We were forced to run and take shelter with those who had been freed from the Empire's grip, from our own people. And it may have been by the Emperor's command, but the people chose that rule, and continued to choose it. We were the only ones fighting the tide, choosing to foolishly believe that we could improve everyone's lives by making the Empire more egalitarian.
I was still living in exile with our former enemies when the government collapsed in civil war. The second Emperor, Solus' grandson, had been murdered by his own son in the palace. With no clear heir, chaos reigned, and soon the reports of worse things happening, spreading outward from inside Imperial borders, led to the surrounding nations putting together an investigative force.
And still, I advocated for it to be a relief contingent more than an invasion, a proposition I'm grateful they agreed to. We worked with everything we had to convince the survivors to accept our help, to swallow their unbending pride and admit that there was no other rescue coming, that they could no longer support themselves without help. Every step of the way we were resisted, kindness treated with suspicion, healing magics regarded as if they might be enchantments to control the mind. Because we were foreigners and traitors, and Garlemald has her pride.
[He leans forward onto his elbows against his desk, visibly exhausted by the outburst.]
...And a part of me still believes I should go back and continue fighting for people who would never fight for me, who will never accept me as I am. Because if I don't, then all those of my faction who didn't survive this long died for nothing. Because if I don't, then those fools might rebuild the Empire again instead of whatever should come after it.
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... I'm sorry. That all sounds so... [He sighs] frustrating, though that word hardly cover it.
[They need a much stronger word, honestly. But Jun knows he's not really the best to sound off on the political nuances of the entire situation. Seal Knights didn't involve themselves in such matters in general. He'll leave that to his brother. But... he does know something to say about the feeling of duty - especially when he can pick up that Maxima? Isn't really in love with the idea of returning home. Not when only part of him believes he should go back.]
... I understand that feeling of duty. That unshakable feeling that you should do more, give more. I've certainly contended with that feeling many times before.
But there's... an expression that I've seen around: "don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm". Perhaps if you went back, you could change things for the better. Or perhaps they'll just use you as a scapegoat for the next problem that arise. It's impossible to say what it'll be.
[he shakes his head] I'm not saying that to convince you not to go back. But... I think if you do go back, it should be because you truly want to, not just because you feel you should. If you truly, don't want to go... there's nothing wrong with that. You've fought for so long, and you've done so much.... it's okay to rest.
And... whether you go back or not, whether they try to rebuild the empire or not? Your comrades did not die for nothing. I'm certain of that much.
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He also notices Jun tackling the sense of duty, which leaves the archer with the political aspect. Not that Harumasa can blame him. Between the two, Harumasa's always been the one who dealt with that more. Hell, he understood the politics behind certain scientists in Krusnik and used that to his advantage many times in the past.
So... Harumasa considers this angle instead.]
Sisyphean, more like.
[The archer sighs softly.]
They're proud, foolish, and dangerously naive about their neighboring countries. They've spent a long time teaching their children to hate and fear people they don't know. Some from the provinces probably taught their kids to hate their own countrymen. Those are wounds that the Empire intentionally caused its own people to make them wholly reliant on the status quo. You probably won't see those wounds heal in your lifetime.
But... there has to come a point, no matter when it is, that you have to trust enough of those foolish people to fall and get back up again a changed person. Some will change for the worse, some will stay the same, but... maybe enough of them will change for the better that they'll bleed like you did to make sure the foundation is strong and more like the vision you have.
Going back to them might mean that you become a leader they look towards. Or it might mean that you're forced to watch. After all, everyone has a slightly different vision in mind when they think of a new Garlemald, right?
[Harumasa pauses.]
Ultimately, I think you have to look at yourself and ask where you'd be happier. You've done and sacrificed more than anyone could ask in the name of seeing your country through its darkest days. I think it's okay if you decide that you've done enough and want to stay here to figure out the rest of your life. Not for the sake of other people, but for yourself.
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[Maxima smiles at them ruefully, the bitterness easing away.]
The truth is, I do want to see my home get better. Even though it will take the rest of my life, even though I'll spend my life holding people's hands as they learn to walk while I've been running for years... I want to be able to look back and say that everything we did was worth it. That it meant something. That the brighter future we always dreamed of was possible, and have the pride of proving it.
[He looks around the office again, at the slow accumulation of files and books and knickknacks on the shelves. His gaze lingers just a little too long on the set of plushies Harumasa gave him for Christmas, and he refocuses before that can distract him too much.]
...But...this world is so much kinder. I can be at home here, I can lead a comfortable life, surrounded by good people who care for me and for one another. ...I think anyone would be tempted to stay.
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[It's not always an easy thing to balance out, but... Jun cherishes getting the chance to be a person rather than only a knight]
Ultimately, the choice is up to yours. I'll respect whatever you chose... so long as it's the choice you truly want.
[He shrugs]
Though, it's not like it's a choice that needs to be made today. It's not like we have a reliable way to travel to other worlds.