[He looks a little surprised, then narrows his eyes thoughtfully at the pair of them. Considers pointing out that this is rather off the subject that they were originally here to discuss.
But Jun and Harumasa have both opened up here far more than he had anticipated, more than he would have asked of either of them. They've spoken of pains that, watching their responses, he's not sure they had even shared with one another. It would be ungracious to push them away after that. And...maybe they would understand.
He sighs deeply, and sits back in his chair. The polite restraint dropping away from his expression leaves him looking tired and sad.]
The thing you have to understand is that when I speak of the citizens, I mean the majority. From the moment Garlemald turned from a republic to an empire, there were dissenters. They were always harassed, suppressed, termed disloyal, but no amount of patriotic fervor can bring an entire nation of people into perfect agreement with their government.
Nonetheless...for the duration of the Imperial era, the majority of our citizens were in fervent support of the Emperor and anything he chose to do. Solus Galvus [and even now there's the faintest of stutters when he says it; even if Jun and Harumasa have no reason to know the choice he's making here, it is deeply disrespectful to omit the 'zos' from the name of the first Emperor] couldn't have risen to become Emperor if not by the will of the people. And why should they not? He was making concrete material improvements in everyone's lives.
[He shakes his head, and...takes off his glasses, studying the frames thoughtfully.] My parents were young during his rise to power. They watched as the nation industrialized and as the Emperor seized more and more direct control over the bureaucracy, away from the Senate. As traditions that grounded and connected us became seen as trite, and were substituted out for an efficiency that stripped away individuality. In our haste to become stronger and more vital, we were losing sight of anything other than that pursuit, now that we had the means to achieve it.
But that was only the beginning. Once we had power to hold and work our own lands, we began claiming others as well. Legends of the places we had been driven from, once told with wistful melancholy, were now spoken in bitterness and vengeful rage. They told us we were stronger and more rational than those who had driven us out, that the 'foul magics' of foreigners were the only advantage they had over us. That our generations of hardship had made us more suited to rule over all the lands of the world than those who currently held them, and if they and their barbarian gods would not see reason, then we at last had the power to force them.
[A tight, bitter smile.] ...Of course, in the end, it was only vengeance, retaliation, a desire to turn the tables. Anyone who visited the conquered provinces for a moment and saw how the occupying army treated the civilians there could tell you that at a glance.
My parents had dissented against the public opinion since before I was born, joining the ranks of the Populares faction which sought a gentler hand upon the provinces. They believed, and taught me, that a truly strong Empire would uplift all those within its borders, would share its bounties with all of its people. That if we could offer such benefits to our citizens, others would seek to join us of their own accord rather than needing to be forced. ...Those were the beliefs I was raised with.
[He'll make a sound of agreement at Harumasa's final words, but not elaborate further. Yeah, he knows damn well what it feels like to saving and sacrificing towards people he has complicated feelings for. He wasn't stupid after all, he knew damn well the problems of the church.... even if he often didn't voice them.
But it seems Maxima has chosen to open up to them. Jun feels honored that Maxima is willing to trust them rather than shutting down further.
So, he'll make himself comfortable and listen to the context that's given. It's a story that echos across human history: the rise of a tyrant. ]
... No group of people is a monolith, so I'm not surprised there were dissenters. Or that your parents were among them, considering how their son is like.
That's a compliment, by the way. I've always like your rational and thoughtful approach to situations.
[It's why Jun recommended him to become the Aides leader, all that time ago. But he'll fall back into silence, listening]
[Harumasa immediately picks up on that stutter. He remembers how Maxima used to introduce himself, and how he's since changed that nowadays. The archer has inferred that it's most likely a modifier indicating rank or maybe status. So, hearing Maxima refer to the Emperor without that modifier while still stuttering tells him all he needs to know. The man has said the Emperor's name in a way that'd clearly get him put in the slammer and tried for treason.]
I agree with Jun. There's a reason I always call you 'Chief,' you know. Far as I'm concerned, from the start you've been as worthy of the same title as the Chief I had in my past life when I worked in special operations.
[Is Maxima as strong as Miyabi? No, but strength is not why he calls Miyabi "Chief," either. Harumasa respects them deeply, even as he continues to be very mischievous towards both of them. While it does put something of a professional wall between himself and the Chief, that... doesn't really stop him from caring about them so much.]
But I appreciate the context you've given us. Keeps us all on the same page. Please, continue. We'll listen.
[With his defenses deliberately lowered, they can both see how the compliments they're offering cause his eyes to widen and his brow to furrow.]
...That's very kind of both of you. I try my best to live up to my ideals.
[His expression tightens again.] ...Which is much more than I can say for the Empire as a whole. They claimed to value rule by the most capable, that competition for every post and every resource was to ensure that the best rose to the top, and everyone would have the opportunity to earn the position they most deserved. In practice, this was almost never adhered to. "Most capable" was determined by higher-ups based on their own personal agendas, and opportunity was never evenly distributed. At best, they would pat themselves on the back for taking a few outstanding individuals from outlying areas into the capital and call it a job well-done.
And of course this corruption grew worse over time and led to the provinces being ruled by unaccountable tyrants. My parents tried to advocate for the rule of law and bring evidence of these things to the attention of the public. [His grip on the arm of his glasses, still in his hand, tightens as he scowls.] No proof was ever found that the accident they perished in was caused deliberately. If not for the Library of Alexandria here, I would never have known it for certain myself.
After their deaths, I had the opportunity to withdraw from their fight and live quietly; but I chose to stand by the beliefs they'd instilled in me and carry on their legacy. I believed that if we could bring forward the right evidence, we could sway public opinion. We even had the support of a few branch members of the Imperial family, for a time.
[He closes his eyes, and breathes deeply.]
...But when an opportunity arose to make peace with a province that had recently freed itself in rebellion, we were betrayed and undermined. And on our return from the failed attempt, my ship was shot down in the middle of the desert. If not for a timely rescue from the Empire's enemies and traitors, my cohort and I would have perished then and there.
[Now, at last, his tone turns darker and more bitter, long-repressed anger beginning to show through.]
Facing down those ships, that fatal rejection...was the first time I think I truly doubted whether it was all worthwhile. We were forced to run and take shelter with those who had been freed from the Empire's grip, from our own people. And it may have been by the Emperor's command, but the people chose that rule, and continued to choose it. We were the only ones fighting the tide, choosing to foolishly believe that we could improve everyone's lives by making the Empire more egalitarian.
I was still living in exile with our former enemies when the government collapsed in civil war. The second Emperor, Solus' grandson, had been murdered by his own son in the palace. With no clear heir, chaos reigned, and soon the reports of worse things happening, spreading outward from inside Imperial borders, led to the surrounding nations putting together an investigative force.
And still, I advocated for it to be a relief contingent more than an invasion, a proposition I'm grateful they agreed to. We worked with everything we had to convince the survivors to accept our help, to swallow their unbending pride and admit that there was no other rescue coming, that they could no longer support themselves without help. Every step of the way we were resisted, kindness treated with suspicion, healing magics regarded as if they might be enchantments to control the mind. Because we were foreigners and traitors, and Garlemald has her pride.
[He leans forward onto his elbows against his desk, visibly exhausted by the outburst.]
...And a part of me still believes I should go back and continue fighting for people who would never fight for me, who will never accept me as I am. Because if I don't, then all those of my faction who didn't survive this long died for nothing. Because if I don't, then those fools might rebuild the Empire again instead of whatever should come after it.
[Jun is quiet as Maxima speaks, listening to every word. The story is a sorrowful one, a frustrating one. He can't help but think of Sisyphus and his boulder, that must be how Maxima felt working against his people's pride fighting them at every turn. It also makes him think of the struggles of the prophets... and why he's eternally grateful that his lot was one that would forever remain in shadow. He doubts he'd be able to last long against all that Maxima has faced. ]
... I'm sorry. That all sounds so... [He sighs] frustrating, though that word hardly cover it.
[They need a much stronger word, honestly. But Jun knows he's not really the best to sound off on the political nuances of the entire situation. Seal Knights didn't involve themselves in such matters in general. He'll leave that to his brother. But... he does know something to say about the feeling of duty - especially when he can pick up that Maxima? Isn't really in love with the idea of returning home. Not when only part of him believes he should go back.]
... I understand that feeling of duty. That unshakable feeling that you should do more, give more. I've certainly contended with that feeling many times before.
But there's... an expression that I've seen around: "don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm". Perhaps if you went back, you could change things for the better. Or perhaps they'll just use you as a scapegoat for the next problem that arise. It's impossible to say what it'll be.
[he shakes his head] I'm not saying that to convince you not to go back. But... I think if you do go back, it should be because you truly want to, not just because you feel you should. If you truly, don't want to go... there's nothing wrong with that. You've fought for so long, and you've done so much.... it's okay to rest.
And... whether you go back or not, whether they try to rebuild the empire or not? Your comrades did not die for nothing. I'm certain of that much.
[Harumasa sees how Maxima fiddles with his glasses during the more emotional parts of his story. He wonders if they're perhaps one of the only remaining mementos of his parents. He won't ask, of course. That wouldn't be appropriate.
He also notices Jun tackling the sense of duty, which leaves the archer with the political aspect. Not that Harumasa can blame him. Between the two, Harumasa's always been the one who dealt with that more. Hell, he understood the politics behind certain scientists in Krusnik and used that to his advantage many times in the past.
So... Harumasa considers this angle instead.]
Sisyphean, more like.
[The archer sighs softly.]
They're proud, foolish, and dangerously naive about their neighboring countries. They've spent a long time teaching their children to hate and fear people they don't know. Some from the provinces probably taught their kids to hate their own countrymen. Those are wounds that the Empire intentionally caused its own people to make them wholly reliant on the status quo. You probably won't see those wounds heal in your lifetime.
But... there has to come a point, no matter when it is, that you have to trust enough of those foolish people to fall and get back up again a changed person. Some will change for the worse, some will stay the same, but... maybe enough of them will change for the better that they'll bleed like you did to make sure the foundation is strong and more like the vision you have.
Going back to them might mean that you become a leader they look towards. Or it might mean that you're forced to watch. After all, everyone has a slightly different vision in mind when they think of a new Garlemald, right?
[Harumasa pauses.]
Ultimately, I think you have to look at yourself and ask where you'd be happier. You've done and sacrificed more than anyone could ask in the name of seeing your country through its darkest days. I think it's okay if you decide that you've done enough and want to stay here to figure out the rest of your life. Not for the sake of other people, but for yourself.
You're not the first ones to say so, in recent months. That I've done enough, that I shouldn't need to give more than I have.
[Maxima smiles at them ruefully, the bitterness easing away.]
The truth is, I do want to see my home get better. Even though it will take the rest of my life, even though I'll spend my life holding people's hands as they learn to walk while I've been running for years... I want to be able to look back and say that everything we did was worth it. That it meant something. That the brighter future we always dreamed of was possible, and have the pride of proving it.
[He looks around the office again, at the slow accumulation of files and books and knickknacks on the shelves. His gaze lingers just a little too long on the set of plushies Harumasa gave him for Christmas, and he refocuses before that can distract him too much.]
...But...this world is so much kinder. I can be at home here, I can lead a comfortable life, surrounded by good people who care for me and for one another. ...I think anyone would be tempted to stay.
It's because it's true. Committing oneself to a cause is noble, but it's extremely difficult too. I think anyone should have the chance to step away, should they find something else precious in their lives. Even someone like me is always trying to have a balance between being Shroud the knight, and Jun the human with a life far away from all that.
[It's not always an easy thing to balance out, but... Jun cherishes getting the chance to be a person rather than only a knight]
Ultimately, the choice is up to yours. I'll respect whatever you chose... so long as it's the choice you truly want.
[He shrugs]
Though, it's not like it's a choice that needs to be made today. It's not like we have a reliable way to travel to other worlds.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
But Jun and Harumasa have both opened up here far more than he had anticipated, more than he would have asked of either of them. They've spoken of pains that, watching their responses, he's not sure they had even shared with one another. It would be ungracious to push them away after that. And...maybe they would understand.
He sighs deeply, and sits back in his chair. The polite restraint dropping away from his expression leaves him looking tired and sad.]
The thing you have to understand is that when I speak of the citizens, I mean the majority. From the moment Garlemald turned from a republic to an empire, there were dissenters. They were always harassed, suppressed, termed disloyal, but no amount of patriotic fervor can bring an entire nation of people into perfect agreement with their government.
Nonetheless...for the duration of the Imperial era, the majority of our citizens were in fervent support of the Emperor and anything he chose to do. Solus Galvus [and even now there's the faintest of stutters when he says it; even if Jun and Harumasa have no reason to know the choice he's making here, it is deeply disrespectful to omit the 'zos' from the name of the first Emperor] couldn't have risen to become Emperor if not by the will of the people. And why should they not? He was making concrete material improvements in everyone's lives.
[He shakes his head, and...takes off his glasses, studying the frames thoughtfully.] My parents were young during his rise to power. They watched as the nation industrialized and as the Emperor seized more and more direct control over the bureaucracy, away from the Senate. As traditions that grounded and connected us became seen as trite, and were substituted out for an efficiency that stripped away individuality. In our haste to become stronger and more vital, we were losing sight of anything other than that pursuit, now that we had the means to achieve it.
But that was only the beginning. Once we had power to hold and work our own lands, we began claiming others as well. Legends of the places we had been driven from, once told with wistful melancholy, were now spoken in bitterness and vengeful rage. They told us we were stronger and more rational than those who had driven us out, that the 'foul magics' of foreigners were the only advantage they had over us. That our generations of hardship had made us more suited to rule over all the lands of the world than those who currently held them, and if they and their barbarian gods would not see reason, then we at last had the power to force them.
[A tight, bitter smile.] ...Of course, in the end, it was only vengeance, retaliation, a desire to turn the tables. Anyone who visited the conquered provinces for a moment and saw how the occupying army treated the civilians there could tell you that at a glance.
My parents had dissented against the public opinion since before I was born, joining the ranks of the Populares faction which sought a gentler hand upon the provinces. They believed, and taught me, that a truly strong Empire would uplift all those within its borders, would share its bounties with all of its people. That if we could offer such benefits to our citizens, others would seek to join us of their own accord rather than needing to be forced. ...Those were the beliefs I was raised with.
no subject
But it seems Maxima has chosen to open up to them. Jun feels honored that Maxima is willing to trust them rather than shutting down further.
So, he'll make himself comfortable and listen to the context that's given. It's a story that echos across human history: the rise of a tyrant. ]
... No group of people is a monolith, so I'm not surprised there were dissenters. Or that your parents were among them, considering how their son is like.
That's a compliment, by the way. I've always like your rational and thoughtful approach to situations.
[It's why Jun recommended him to become the Aides leader, all that time ago. But he'll fall back into silence, listening]
no subject
I agree with Jun. There's a reason I always call you 'Chief,' you know. Far as I'm concerned, from the start you've been as worthy of the same title as the Chief I had in my past life when I worked in special operations.
[Is Maxima as strong as Miyabi? No, but strength is not why he calls Miyabi "Chief," either. Harumasa respects them deeply, even as he continues to be very mischievous towards both of them. While it does put something of a professional wall between himself and the Chief, that... doesn't really stop him from caring about them so much.]
But I appreciate the context you've given us. Keeps us all on the same page. Please, continue. We'll listen.
no subject
...That's very kind of both of you. I try my best to live up to my ideals.
[His expression tightens again.] ...Which is much more than I can say for the Empire as a whole. They claimed to value rule by the most capable, that competition for every post and every resource was to ensure that the best rose to the top, and everyone would have the opportunity to earn the position they most deserved. In practice, this was almost never adhered to. "Most capable" was determined by higher-ups based on their own personal agendas, and opportunity was never evenly distributed. At best, they would pat themselves on the back for taking a few outstanding individuals from outlying areas into the capital and call it a job well-done.
And of course this corruption grew worse over time and led to the provinces being ruled by unaccountable tyrants. My parents tried to advocate for the rule of law and bring evidence of these things to the attention of the public. [His grip on the arm of his glasses, still in his hand, tightens as he scowls.] No proof was ever found that the accident they perished in was caused deliberately. If not for the Library of Alexandria here, I would never have known it for certain myself.
After their deaths, I had the opportunity to withdraw from their fight and live quietly; but I chose to stand by the beliefs they'd instilled in me and carry on their legacy. I believed that if we could bring forward the right evidence, we could sway public opinion. We even had the support of a few branch members of the Imperial family, for a time.
[He closes his eyes, and breathes deeply.]
...But when an opportunity arose to make peace with a province that had recently freed itself in rebellion, we were betrayed and undermined. And on our return from the failed attempt, my ship was shot down in the middle of the desert. If not for a timely rescue from the Empire's enemies and traitors, my cohort and I would have perished then and there.
[Now, at last, his tone turns darker and more bitter, long-repressed anger beginning to show through.]
Facing down those ships, that fatal rejection...was the first time I think I truly doubted whether it was all worthwhile. We were forced to run and take shelter with those who had been freed from the Empire's grip, from our own people. And it may have been by the Emperor's command, but the people chose that rule, and continued to choose it. We were the only ones fighting the tide, choosing to foolishly believe that we could improve everyone's lives by making the Empire more egalitarian.
I was still living in exile with our former enemies when the government collapsed in civil war. The second Emperor, Solus' grandson, had been murdered by his own son in the palace. With no clear heir, chaos reigned, and soon the reports of worse things happening, spreading outward from inside Imperial borders, led to the surrounding nations putting together an investigative force.
And still, I advocated for it to be a relief contingent more than an invasion, a proposition I'm grateful they agreed to. We worked with everything we had to convince the survivors to accept our help, to swallow their unbending pride and admit that there was no other rescue coming, that they could no longer support themselves without help. Every step of the way we were resisted, kindness treated with suspicion, healing magics regarded as if they might be enchantments to control the mind. Because we were foreigners and traitors, and Garlemald has her pride.
[He leans forward onto his elbows against his desk, visibly exhausted by the outburst.]
...And a part of me still believes I should go back and continue fighting for people who would never fight for me, who will never accept me as I am. Because if I don't, then all those of my faction who didn't survive this long died for nothing. Because if I don't, then those fools might rebuild the Empire again instead of whatever should come after it.
no subject
... I'm sorry. That all sounds so... [He sighs] frustrating, though that word hardly cover it.
[They need a much stronger word, honestly. But Jun knows he's not really the best to sound off on the political nuances of the entire situation. Seal Knights didn't involve themselves in such matters in general. He'll leave that to his brother. But... he does know something to say about the feeling of duty - especially when he can pick up that Maxima? Isn't really in love with the idea of returning home. Not when only part of him believes he should go back.]
... I understand that feeling of duty. That unshakable feeling that you should do more, give more. I've certainly contended with that feeling many times before.
But there's... an expression that I've seen around: "don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm". Perhaps if you went back, you could change things for the better. Or perhaps they'll just use you as a scapegoat for the next problem that arise. It's impossible to say what it'll be.
[he shakes his head] I'm not saying that to convince you not to go back. But... I think if you do go back, it should be because you truly want to, not just because you feel you should. If you truly, don't want to go... there's nothing wrong with that. You've fought for so long, and you've done so much.... it's okay to rest.
And... whether you go back or not, whether they try to rebuild the empire or not? Your comrades did not die for nothing. I'm certain of that much.
no subject
He also notices Jun tackling the sense of duty, which leaves the archer with the political aspect. Not that Harumasa can blame him. Between the two, Harumasa's always been the one who dealt with that more. Hell, he understood the politics behind certain scientists in Krusnik and used that to his advantage many times in the past.
So... Harumasa considers this angle instead.]
Sisyphean, more like.
[The archer sighs softly.]
They're proud, foolish, and dangerously naive about their neighboring countries. They've spent a long time teaching their children to hate and fear people they don't know. Some from the provinces probably taught their kids to hate their own countrymen. Those are wounds that the Empire intentionally caused its own people to make them wholly reliant on the status quo. You probably won't see those wounds heal in your lifetime.
But... there has to come a point, no matter when it is, that you have to trust enough of those foolish people to fall and get back up again a changed person. Some will change for the worse, some will stay the same, but... maybe enough of them will change for the better that they'll bleed like you did to make sure the foundation is strong and more like the vision you have.
Going back to them might mean that you become a leader they look towards. Or it might mean that you're forced to watch. After all, everyone has a slightly different vision in mind when they think of a new Garlemald, right?
[Harumasa pauses.]
Ultimately, I think you have to look at yourself and ask where you'd be happier. You've done and sacrificed more than anyone could ask in the name of seeing your country through its darkest days. I think it's okay if you decide that you've done enough and want to stay here to figure out the rest of your life. Not for the sake of other people, but for yourself.
no subject
[Maxima smiles at them ruefully, the bitterness easing away.]
The truth is, I do want to see my home get better. Even though it will take the rest of my life, even though I'll spend my life holding people's hands as they learn to walk while I've been running for years... I want to be able to look back and say that everything we did was worth it. That it meant something. That the brighter future we always dreamed of was possible, and have the pride of proving it.
[He looks around the office again, at the slow accumulation of files and books and knickknacks on the shelves. His gaze lingers just a little too long on the set of plushies Harumasa gave him for Christmas, and he refocuses before that can distract him too much.]
...But...this world is so much kinder. I can be at home here, I can lead a comfortable life, surrounded by good people who care for me and for one another. ...I think anyone would be tempted to stay.
no subject
[It's not always an easy thing to balance out, but... Jun cherishes getting the chance to be a person rather than only a knight]
Ultimately, the choice is up to yours. I'll respect whatever you chose... so long as it's the choice you truly want.
[He shrugs]
Though, it's not like it's a choice that needs to be made today. It's not like we have a reliable way to travel to other worlds.